Spoken By Supreme Master Ching Hai, Surabaya, Indonesia March 17, 1997 (Originally In English)

Make sure that your wife is the foremost woman in your life, and I'm just your teacher. Pronto. Please -- clear-cut. Make sure she knows you love her the most. Show it, say it every day. Buy her things that she likes; take her to different places. Apart from meditation time, pay attention to her, be attentive, see what she likes the most, and try to do it. Talk lovingly and sweetly all the time then she will know that you've improved, and that you love her even more than before. Then she will be more thankful to me instead of hating me. It's up to you. It's up to you to turn her into my friend or my enemy, you don't blame her. I don't blame her. You have to be tactful.

★Be Attentive To Your Spouse

Every woman hates another woman, doesn't matter who she is. (Laughter) As long as her man pays attention to the other woman, doesn't matter if she's a living Buddha, she hates. But then you have to overcome. You let her know, "This is different. I love you, and more." You have to show it, not just say it. Show it and be attentive, attend to her needs and her love, make her satisfied in every way. Show her that after you've followed me, you've become an even better husband, a more loving person. Then she will cease the hatred for me and instead, she will be interested and say, "Oh, this woman is not really taking my husband away from me. She's helping him to become a better husband." Actually that's my purpose.

You have to show it in action and speech. Tell her you love her. Buy her jewelry, buy her flowers, take her out to dinner, date her again. Make her feel that she's loved, that she's beautiful, that she's wanted, like the day you first met her. Then no woman will ever hate me again if all of you do this.

The women also. Your husbands hate me because you just neglect them. It's okay to love me but you have to love your husbands more than before -- more attentive, more loving, more enduring, more soft, more gentle. Then they will see that my teachings bear fruit -- you've become better persons, better family members, more loving. And who can hate me?

This is your problem, it is all your fault if your family members hate me. I never blame them. (Applause)

★Try To Get Your Families
To Understand Our Spiritual Group

About group meditation: many family members, including your wives, your husbands, suspect what you're doing here in the group: "Why you used to spend time at home and now you spend time in the group? What kind of group is that?"

So try to invite your family members to come sometimes. Don't force them to come, just tell them that you're proud of them. For example, tell your wife, "You're so beautiful! I like to show off to the other initiates that I have such a beautiful wife -- so good to me! That even cooks vegetarian for me, taking so many inconveniences for herself to buy vegetarian food and cook for me. I'm so proud of you. I'm so grateful. I want to show you off to the other initiates in the Center. Everyone heard me talking about you -- that you're so great, you cook vegetarian like that. They're all interested to know you. Would you please come along?"

Then when she comes, and everyone welcomes, she'll see that everyone just meditates and does nothing -- no woman and man stuff. Then she will not feel so insecure and worry about what you're doing here.

You have to know what to do. You have to know what to say to people. If you try to convince them and force them to come here, they'll think, "Oh, he's trying to convert me into that woman's group." Don't say that. It's different. Say, "I'm proud of you. You're so beautiful -- more and more every day. You're so good, I love you so much, I want to show you to people. Come and have a look. Many people want to know you," et cetera. For example like that. Then she will come one day. And when she knows it's very harmless here, and also that you've improved so much at home -- you're more loving -- then who wouldn't want to come and join the initiation, and who would hate me? So both have to be handled with love, care and intelligence. (Applause)

Do not tell lies. You have to praise her -- whatever she or he has -- because everyone has some good things. You have to recognize the goodness in your wife or husband. Encourage them to develop more positive qualities instead of just sitting there, doing nothing, and criticizing.

The best, first, is to introduce the non-initiate member, if some difficulty, to other initiate members of the family, and go on an outing together. Don't talk about Master's teachings -- nothing. No initiation mentioned, just go until they get used to it and they talk to each other. Then they'll understand. This is the first step, if you have difficulties with non-initiate family members.

★Nurture A Stable And Loving Relationship

One more thing. I think, what causes the most trouble is that after initiation you tend to be distant from your family members, especially your wife or husband. Before, maybe more embracing, more loving or more love-making, for example. Now suddenly, no more, nothing -- worried about astral feelings, whatever. Should not, should not. If you want to meditate, you had better tell your wife or husband first. Have a very loving hug or talk intimately before, and say, "Now, I'm going to meditate for an hour or half an hour. But if you really need me, want to see me, or want to come and hug me, please come. Otherwise, I would prefer to meditate in peace."

Have a good, loving relationship and intimate talk or something like that before, so that your partner feels, "Okay, he still loves me. She still wants me, just now she's going to have a rest, to reflect in the mental realm so that she becomes better in health and in spirit; or better in concentration for work, for business, whatever."

You have to explain like that, that it's a kind of a rest time for you. But before that, you make sure that you're loving each other, that she has enough, he has enough, that she feels that he or she still has you. And after meditation, come hug again, talk lovingly and intimately -- kind of loving embrace or whatever gesture or talk that makes your partner feel peaceful, loved, beautiful and secure.

Don't just come back from work, wash, wash, wash, eat a few tofu, and now, "Meditation time. Don't touch me, I'm holy!" (Laughter) Then you never see your partner. First you work all day then you come home and eat, don't talk, because the Master says "Eating time, don't talk." (Laughter) "Now meditation time, and meditation time don't talk. After meditation time, don't waste your energy after meditation, don't talk." Then later on, it's sleeping time, also, "Don't talk." (Laughter)

If I were your wife or your husband, I'd kick you out. (Laughter) Not talking about forbidding group meditation and things like that. You have to be human also -- humorous, loving, living and active. Not, after you become initiated, you become like wood, stone, a table or a wooden Buddha. Who likes that kind of Buddha? I don't. Just be normal. Be better than before. That's what I wish. (Applause)

I think all of you understand very well what I mean. Put yourself in that person's situation and you don't have to ask me what to do. Try to be loving, selfless, then you will just know.